My teenage daughter has sex! What to do?.
Hello, dear reader!
It doesn’t matter how you learned about your daughter’s sexual life. Found a condom in my jacket pocket. I read the correspondence on the phone or social networks. I came home earlier than usual, and found her child in the arms of a half -naked guy. The first thing you have to do is exhale and calm down. Take a valerian or glass of something stronger. Wait until emotions subside in my head. And then seriously talk to your daughter about sex.
Do not have a performance
Shock! This is experienced by the mother when he first understands that the child has grown. And now the sweet girl is not interested in dolls and coloring, but boys. And all that is connected with them. Including the sexual side of the relationship.
How people behave in stressful situations? Fall into a stupor or become aggressive and slightly inadequate. If you want to shout at your daughter, accuse of depraved behavior, call some obscene expressions, go and drink tea. Pour, runs around the house 3-4 circles, and only then talk to the child.
Scandals cause adolescents a response. Your daughter will also be rude. And then he will say that he will run away from home to the guy with whom you found her. And she really will do so if you do not cool down and do not try to find a compromise.
Screams and authoritarian behavior do not lead to anything good. If you forbid your daughter to go outside or meet that guy, she, on the contrary, will try to spend all his free time with him. Do not worry, find a way. For example, he will stop going to school. Only you will think that the child continues to attend classes. And she lingers due to elective.
Children who grew up on social networks grow up early. At 12-14, they are already looking for guys. And they think not about Platonic relationships. And about real adults, with kisses and sex. You will not protect the child from this. But you can make your daughter graduate from school and university, find a job, and only then she started her husband and became a mother.
First you have to earn her trust.
Forget about rods and home arrest. Pretend that nothing terrible happened. Tell your daughter that you do not condemn her. You were young too. Of course, you would like her to get acquainted with the intimate side of life a little later. But since this happened, then nothing can be changed.
You worry and worry, so you want to discuss some points. Yes, my daughter read smart articles on the Internet and talked with “experienced” friends. But sometimes mothers know a little more than classmates.
It is best to start a conversation in a neutral environment. In the kitchen or in a teenager room. Say that you need to discuss one important issue. If you are shy, you can speak abstractly. It is not necessary to inform your daughter what you know about her little secret. It’s just the time to introduce the child to adulthood. You love your girl and wish her only good.
Many adolescents begin to lead a sexual life due to external pressure. The main provocateurs are friends. Girls love to talk about their adult guys, share sexual experience with each other. And classmates who have no boyfriends are subjected to persecution and mockery.
Teenage girls are afraid to lose popularity, so they begin to look for a couple. It is desirable that the guy is older. For example, a student or an already working man. An adult uncle is interested in not only walks in the park and timid kisses. Yes, and classmates who grew up on pornographic films also dream of tasteing the forbidden fruit.
The newly made guy begins to hint at sex. Both young boys and adult uncles act sophisticatedly. They manipulate a naive girl. Promise to quit if they don’t get what they want. They say that only sex is a manifestation of love. And if a young girlfriend is not ready for such, she does not need to look for a guy, but to put on diapers and go to kindergarten.
Many girls give up and agree to do this. And after the first sexual intercourse, they feel aversion to themselves. At a subconscious level, your daughter can understand that the guy just used her. She is afraid that now the lover will tell about all friends and acquaintances. Afraid that you condemn her for such behavior.
Your duty is to tell your daughter that men are cunning manipulators. They apply psychological violence to girls.
But you do not need to hate yourself or be shy of your own body. There is nothing reprehensible in sex, but sexual intercourse should occur by mutual agreement. If the process does not bring pleasure, causes emotional or physical discomfort, the daughter may refuse. But you will not condemn her if she continues to lead a sexual life.
Any question can be discussed
Say that she can turn to you with any question. Any time of the day. You will try to solve all her problems. Tell me what to do in a particular situation. You will support and console if she becomes sad or ashamed.
Explain that virgins are no worse than the rest. The girl is not obliged to lead a sexual life if she believes that so far she is not ready for this. And friends sometimes come up with their rich experience to seem older.
The loss of virginity also does not make the girl bad. A thin partition located in the vagina does not affect the character of a person. Is it or not, it doesn’t matter.
The daughter may experience sexual attraction. Let not scare. Hormones are constantly raging in adolescents, and excitement is a natural and normal phenomenon. Girls who are 14-16 years old can do this. But they should follow some hygienic rules.
If you do not want to become a young grandmother, be sure to tell your daughter about condoms. But first, the device is a small lecture on the structure and functioning of the reproductive system. Explain that the first menstruation triggers the maturation of eggs.
Now every sexual intercourse can lead to pregnancy.
Discuss the most common protection myths.
Many girls do not know elementary things:
- You can get pregnant even during the first intercourse.
- If the guy pulls his penis in time, it will not save. The lubricant that the member selects is also contained a little seed fluid. And fertilize the egg can also one sperm.
- The chances of pregnancy are not reduced if the girl is in a standing position or jumps after sex.
In addition, adult guys who have already had other women can infect a young partner with sexually transmitted diseases. Only a condom is capable of protecting from chlamydia and syphilis. Put on latex contraceptive during defloration.
The contraceptive will make the first time less painful and safe.
Condoms warn inflammatory diseases. In young girls, the vaginal microflora was not formed until the end. They have a weak local immunity that is not able to resist the microbes living on the penis of the partner. Latex contraceptive will warn thrush, vaginitis and other unpleasant consequences.
A daughter can turn to a gynecologist and choose hormonal tablets to protect against unwanted pregnancy. And you, if necessary, go with her or agree with your acquaintance doctor. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your own health and safety. Only a girl should take tests and follow the recommendations of a gynecologist.
Do not limit your stories about condoms. Show how to put a rubber product on the penis correctly. Use a banana or long cucumber as a layout. At the end of the master class, hand over your daughter a large packaging of contraceptives. And say that you will keep condoms in the nightstand or in the bathroom. She is not obliged to ask permission. Just opens the box and takes it if she needs.
Alternative to classic sex
If you and your daughter have trusting relationships, and you do not hesitate to talk about frank processes, you can tell about petting. This is a safer type of sex, because it provides for the stimulation of the genitals with hands. And from the fingers, as you know, there are no children.
Sexual intercourse can be replaced with mutual masturbation. There is nothing disgusting in stimulating the clitoris or penis. In addition, masturbation is suitable for teenagers who are not yet ready for sex. Masturbation helps to calm excitement and get discharge.
It is worth discussing oral sex. Explain that not all girls like to do a blowjob. If this variety of intimate contact causes a disgust from a partner, she is not obliged to cross through herself. It is better to part with a guy forcing a chosen one for oral sex. A person who thinks only about his own pleasure and comfort is not suitable for long -term relationships.
Explain that during menstruation it is worth refraining from intimacy. In critical days, the risk of infectious diseases is increasing. In addition, during intercourse, menstrual blood can enter the uterus back. And this is fraught with inflammation and endometriosis, a very unpleasant gynecological disease.
Invite the guy’s guy to visit. You should know with whom your child spends free time and learns the basics of sexual life. Be polite, try to find out about the potential son -in -law maximum information. But do not turn into a strict investigator. No need to put pressure on the guest or threaten him. Maintain neutrality and goodwill.
Make lovers spend a lot of time under your supervision. Just do not control every step and sigh. Do not burst into your daughter’s room without knocking, but warn in advance about your desire to enter.
If you don’t like the guy, try to hide your irritation. On the contrary, pretend that you feel sympathy for this sweet boy. Open aggression causes only protest. If you say that the guy is a rare scoundrel, the daughter will not believe and decide that you are just trying to separate them. If you let her look at the chosen one, she herself will understand everything over time. And he will throw an inappropriate party.
Your lover of your child is really cute and educated?
Then try to stay at work sometimes or go to visit your friend. You cannot forbid them to do this. So let them do their dark things in a clean bed than they walk in attics and basements, where there is a lot of dust, infections and suspicious personalities.
Teenagers are very naive. They still do not know about all the dangers, so you must warn about some pitfalls of your daughter.
First, ask the girl not to talk about her intimate life to her friends. Not all acquaintances know how to keep your mouth shut. And some like to embellish the heard information. After all, the daughter does not want to learn about her sexual exploits at school and in the yard?
Girls who have lost virginity sometimes become victims of rape and coercion. Especially, teenagers from ordinary families who have no influential parents. Some guys believe that if the girl slept with one, now she is obliged to agree to intimacy with everyone.
Tell your daughter that if she falls into such a situation, let him immediately turn to you. Together you will figure out how to protect yourself from potential rapists.
Secondly, her partner should also keep his mouth shut. Do not talk about your exploits to all friends.
Thirdly, tell your daughter that you can not send the guy intimate pictures. It doesn’t matter how trusting their relationship.
People sometimes part or seriously swear. And the offended guy is able to send photos to all friends or upload on social networks. Of course, for the distribution of pictures, the former lover is threatened with a prison term. Only the girl’s reputation will not save it.
And the last nuance is alcohol. Adolescents often use strong drinks in companies. Explain that in a state of intoxication, the girl becomes easy prey for perverts. The rapist may be the best friend or unfamiliar guy, whom she first saw at an impromptu party.
You also heard about the history of Diana Shurygina? Any other can be in place of this girl. Not a single woman is safe from this, so you need to always know the measure and remain in consciousness in order to be able to repulse.
Girls are much more complicated than boys mothers. Nature awarded the daughters with a reproductive system, and society made them vulnerable and defenseless to cunning manipulators. Your duty is to protect the teenager from dangers and unpleasant consequences of sex.
Do not be afraid to talk with your daughter about intimacy, contraception and relationships. And then she will get a chance for a happy life.